The Savage from “Brave New World” by Aldous Huxley

For everyone here who got here because they’re in Honors English, BNW is basically “Wall-E” but for adults.

Huxley predicted the Wall-E-ification of humanity while dystopian writers like Orwell thought we’d all live in a military state. Huxley was like no way, that shit takes too much effort. Just feed them. A lot. Huxley saw how to control others by keeping them fat and happy (I say this in front of my computer while writing my pointless blog and watching King of the Hill reruns and eating bread saturated with butter and garlic).

If you’re reading this, you’re probably a student looking for answers to your homework or some bullshit like that. I’m going to tell you why you shouldn’t have sex with this fictional character. In the long run, I’m providing much more useful literary analysis.

About The Savage

  • he’s really dramatic
  • like, who falls to his knees in a crowded room
  • and yells
  • “MY FATHER!!!”
  • he’s the bastard son of a drug addict
  • and was living on an Indian reservation-type place
  • where he read lots of Shakespeare?

His problem?

  • he’s taken from the reservation
  • and introduced to normal fucked up society
  • where everyone takes drugs and fornicates and no one has babies
  • so like, NYU on an average Thursday
  • Brave New World is NYU on an average Thursday
  • or Monday
  • Brave New World is NYU any day of the week
  • and he really hates it
  • because it’s debauched.
  • Kinda like NYU.

How about the right to take me to dinner on a Friday? What about that? Why did you jump straight to syphilis?

Sexxi Points

  • he knows lots of pretty poems
  • seems really romantic
  • likes thick women
  • I like men who like thick women
  • In case that wasn’t clear.
  • He seems caring and stuff.

Boner-Killers

  • slut-shames this chick for coming on to him
  • like, calls her a harlot or a strumpet
  • or something equally stupid
  • and she just wanted the D
  • I mean, do they not have any horny chicks on the reservation?
  • he whips himself
  • he participates in an orgy and then kills himself
  • he’s just a drama Queen all around.

The Verdict?

There’s a balance between porno kisses and killing yourself for having sex once. I mean, none of these literary characters seem capable of going to a movie and then going for a walk. Tone it tone, Savage boy. I’m sure you’re pretty hot but you’re killing it. Rating: BONER-KILLER.

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