In my fantasy dream world, this Joseph would play that Joseph.
There’s only one male character in this book who isn’t a rapist, so I thought I’d focus on him. Dudes are pretty much on the back-burner in this whole novel. It’s a really beautiful, poetic story about a woman coming into her own. Naturally, I’m going to dissect it.
goes from “hi” to “let’s get married” pretty damn fast
in a band, travels a lot
not a rapist
Not being a rapist is a really important quality in a man.
he’s married to a girl who has a lot of sex issues
and identity issues
because her mom used to stick her fingers in her no-no places
to make sure she still had a hymen
so she sodomized herself with a cooking utensil
and ran away from home
to be with Joseph
but then she ran away from Joseph to Haiti
so that she wouldn’t need to deal with her sex issues?
I mean, that’s basically his problem.
Oh yeah, and he doesn’t have a real job.
A lot of these folks would have benefited from some self-love and sex ed.
and a musician
not a rapist
these things are very important
travels a lot because he’s a musician
got his girl pregnant the first time they had sex
like, she didn’t even have a chance to get over all her sex issues
it was like, boom, pregnant
and I kind of hate him for that
like really, you couldn’t pull out or use a condom for at least a little bit?
or maybe just do oral for the first couple of months?
Just like, “oh, your mom tortured you and you ran away from home to be with me, let me just
put a baby in you ASAP.”
Ew, Joseph. Ew.
Your penis must have some kind of crazy GPS navigation to the unfertilized eggs. I’m not interested in that. I also don’t want to run away from home and then completely depend on you and have you impregnate me. Everything about this sounds awful. You still get points for not being a rapist or a racist, so I’ll come listen to your band at Rockwood or something. Rating: BONER-KILLER.
So hi. I’ve been in school reading shit like The Canterbury Tales, which I have no interest in writing about, and I took a break from being overly critical of fictional characters. Sorry for the hiatus. Since I also carry hearts in a box for Aztec gods (part time), I was immediately drawn to Jess Galvan of “The Dead Run.” Let’s see how he measures up to the ruler:
About Jess Galvan
wrongfully jailed in Mexico
for defending a hooker
who was being gang-raped
he’s pure of heart
until he kills someone in cold blood
He has to bring a still-beating human heart through the desert
to some ceremony
to appease an Aztec god
and bring about the end of days
but he’s actually part Aztec god himself.
Can someone be this flawless?
Oh, he married a religious nutjob
Oh well. Spoke too soon.
In addition to the whole still-beating heart, end of days, Aztec god thing, his daughter has also been kidnapped by a cult who wants to rape her/eat her heart/use her as a channel to the Aztec god world/something equally horrifying for a father.
How about now?
there’s the whole “always defending women” thing
regardless of whether they’re virgins or prostitutes
which is nice.
And he loves his daughter.
Did I mention he’s part god?
like a very small part, though
like when I say I’m part Incan, like
1/162th of a percent or something.
pawn of evil
sometimes possessed by a bloodthirsty god
who I think killed his wife while he was deflowering her or something
so yeah there’s a lot of weird virgin/whore stuff in this book
he was in jail
so he was unable to be with his wife and kid
so that kind of sucks
I like when the dudes I’m dating aren’t in prison
but I’m a bitch like that
Lots of good qualities, but the whole “might be possessed by an Aztec god” thing is a little crazy. Yes, that’s my way of saying that I would totally go for it. BIEN SEXXI.