Sancho Panza from “Don Quixote de la Mancha” by Miguel de Cervantes

Please do NOT attack the windmills.

Homer Simpson can tell you all you really need to know about Don Quixote:

Homer: This is my quest. I’m like that guy. That Spanish guy.
You know, he fought the windmill…
Marge: Don Quixote?
Homer: No, that’s not it. What’s-his-name, the Man of La Mancha.
Marge: Don Quixote.
Homer: No!
Marge: I really think that was the character’s name. Don Quixote.
Homer: Fine! I’ll look it up! [heads off and consults a reference]
Marge: [annoyed] Well, who was it?
Homer: [quietly fuming] Nevermind.

I’m much more interested in his servant, Sancho Panza.

About Sancho

  • His boss is an idiot
  • but he gets a paycheck
  • and potentially an island, but that will probably never happen
  • like when someone promises you you’ll get a share of a company someday
  • if it’s ever publicly traded
  • like that, only the 1605 equivalent.
  • and Sancho doesn’t have much better to do
  • so he goes along with it

His problem?

  • Has to follow his idiot boss around
  • while riding a little donkey
  • as Don Quixote runs around and tries to prove his little boy jerkoff dreams of heroism

Sancho, you just need to take some Fuckitall.

Sexxi Points

  • You can hear how annoyed he is when he’s talking to Don Quixote
  • it’s like that Dilbert, “I’m mocking you and you are too stupid to get it” style
  • He writes home to his wife
  • and is faithful to her while he follows his boss around and makes sure he doesn’t die.
  • He’s the practical one asking all the real questions, like “what are you doing?”
  • and “when am I getting paid?”
  • and “what are you doing?”
  • in the end, he’s just a working dude who can’t get a break

Boner-Killers

  • His last name indicates that he has a belly
  • so his body is likely not great.
  • Kind of passive, I was craving that moment when he just gets tired of it all
  • and quits and destroys everything
  • Office Space style

The Verdict?

He’s funny and practical, but these two things never gave me an orgasm. Get a little more ambition and yell at your boss for attacking windmills, and then we’re in business. Rating: POTENTIALLY SEXXI.

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