Prospero from ‘The Tempest’ by William Shakeaspeare.

Close enough to Jakob Dylan.

Don Quixote is taking a while to read, because it’s effin huge. Don’t worry, Matthew, it’s coming. I could have read the Sparknotes version instead, but decided that would be like judging if a guy is nice from his OKC profile.

BTW, it was a national tragedy when that blog was taken down.

So here we go…

About Prospero

  • He was a duke
  • he has a teenage daughter
  • He’s stranded on an island
  • and he’s trying to set up his daughter with the son of the dude who stranded him on the island
  • but first he’s going to taunt them all by causing a really bad storm and scaring the piss out of them
  • by making them think they’re going to die at sea
  • you know, as you do.

His problem?

  • He was betrayed and left on an island
  • with his daughter
  • for twelve years
  • but he’s oddly chill about it
  • like really, really doesn’t seem mad
  • he seems to be able to control a genie-type creature named Ariel
  • who can make it rain and turn invisible
  • and Ariel has a neat ventriloquist act
  • actually, how come I’m not writing about Ariel?

 

Sir, you should think about maybe doing some Shakespeare.

Sexxi Points

  • Owns an island
  • even if he’s ‘stuck’ there, he still owns it.
  • Has great social status
  • Looks like Jakob Dylan
  • I made up that part
  • He sets his daughter up with a prince
  • and tells him it will rain hell if he tries anything before the wedding night
  • Doesn’t hold a grudge
  • In the end, just wants everyone to get along
  • and to have his duke-hoodness back

Boner-Killers

  • Owns slaves
  • Basically constantly tells his slaves to quit their bitching
  • I really really don’t like enslavement of the native people of the island
  • that he conquered
  • Likes to scare people into thinking that they’re going to die
  • or that their loves ones are dead
  • almost like a cat playing with a mouse
  • and that’s kind of sadistic
  • but maybe that can translate into bondage situations?

The Verdict?

He has magical powers, he knows lots of royalty, and he doesn’t actually kill anyone, unlike many of Shakespeare’s characters.  And he looks like Jakob Dylan. Rating: bien sexxi.

 

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