Piscine “Pi” from “Life of Pi” by Yann Martel

Meditating with a tiger NBD SMH LOL.

I’m sure you all know the basics of this story, even if you’ve just seen the cover of the book. Big blue ocean. One boat. A boy and a tiger. It’s not a complicated plot, but, like anything in this world, there’s still just enough room for a pervert like me to have an opinion.

About Pi Patel

  • sixteen years old
  • son of a zookeeper
  • well-off, but manages not to be a dick about it
  • spiritual, deep, but not spoiled, like an artist with a trust fund he can’t touch until he’s 35

His problem?

  • Stranded at sea on a shitty lifeboat
  • without too much know-how
  • or supplies
  • and his family is dead
  • OH AND DID I MENTION THERE’S A TIGER WITH HIM.

This, just because it’s hilarious.

Sexxi Points

  • HE PUTS THE TIGER’S NEEDS FIRST.
  • Like food and water and stuff. He doesn’t have sexual relations with the tiger.
  • But I’m sure that tendency translates into other areas.
  • Realizes that he needs the tiger too
  • and they develop this beautiful relationship where the tiger’s senses alert Pi to danger
  • like on that island that eats you in your sleep
  • and turns your teeth into flowers
  • and they eventually trust each other to live in the same boat
  • it’s just such a beautiful relationship
  • Circus trainers who beat tigers into doing tricks just don’t get it
  • THEY JUST DON’T WANT TO PUT IN THE EFFORT
  • oh yeah and he’s pretty deep and spiritual and wise and stuff like that
  • and he has survival skills
  • and clearly relationship skills
  • more impressively, he retains his relationship skills in a survival situation

Boner-Killers

  • he has like three religions
  • and I have none
  • so raising our kids would be really difficult
  • and it would have to be that serious, because this guy definitely doesn’t hook up.
  • he possibly hallucinated the whole tiger thing
  • so yeah he uhm might be prone to some PTSD or shell shock or severe emotional fuckeduppery.

The Verdict?

At the end, he did have a wife and children, so I’ll take that as proof that he doesn’t hallucinate and murder people in his sleep. With machetes.

Obama wrote a letter to Martel saying that this book was proof of God. I’m inclined to agree, but for totally different reasons. PUT DOWN YOUR COPIES OF ‘THE GAME’ IMMEDIATELY. Rating: bien sexxi.

Also, I think I should tell all of you that I’m married to Pi now. Not literally, but spiritually. Like how nuns marry Jesus. Just letting you know.

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